We often try to persuade others through argument. But arguing does not change minds – if anything, it makes people more intransigent. It turns out that listening is far more persuasive than speaking. When you’re silent you can better pick up on what’s not being said – cues that signal how someone is feeling (is the person upset about something and that’s why he’s not willing to hear you out right now?) and help you figure out how to respond. Because words can so often get in the way, silence can help you make these connections. Next time you disagree with others, put your opinions away and try just listening. Let them speak into the silence and listen for the truth behind their words. Then acknowledge what you’ve heard (which is, most likely, more than has been said) and, once the others feel seen and heard, offer your view.
Adapted from “
If You Want People to Listen, Stop Talking,” by Peter Bregman.
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