We all have default behaviors. And the way we handle these automatic reflexes during meetings, conversations, negotiations, conflicts, etc., can be the difference between success and failure. Say you butt heads with a coworker over a project’s next steps. If you jump to defend your position, you might fail to hear the other person’s side, ending up in an erratic, emotional dispute. How do you override automatic reactions like these? First, know what triggers your emotional or competitive side. Then make a list of your default behaviors, like interrupting, becoming aggressive or passive, taking ownership of ideas, micromanaging, or judging too quickly. Then anticipate them. If careful listening is your goal — but frequent interruption is your default – rehearse a plan for better listening before your high-conflict meeting. And don’t schedule these conversations for times when your self-control is low, such as right before lunch or at the end of the day.
Adapted from
“How to Override Your Default Reactions in Tough Moments,” by Lee Newman.
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