Many managers take a rational approach to handling tough conversations at work. This means they often fail to pay enough attention to the emotions involved. But when emotions are ignored, they can derail everything. Let’s say an employee is underperforming and needs to be coached. Before explaining where he’s falling short and setting goals for improvement, pause to think about how both you and he feel. Acknowledge how disappointed you are, and consider how scared and threatened he might be. Doing this will help you notice, once you sit down, that his arms are crossed or that he looks worried. This suggests he’s already on the defensive, so you should try to establish a connection or more upbeat tone before addressing the issue. Launching right into his performance likely won’t lead to a productive coaching conversation. Recognizing small emotional cues like these will help you respond proactively and adaptively.
Adapted from
“Emotional Intelligence in Tough Conversations,” by Susan David.
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