Conversational disasters are more reversible than they feel. Here are six things that can halt, and sometimes reverse, a conversation meltdown:
- Own your part. Take responsibility for your actions, as in, “I’m getting loud and aggressive. I’m sorry. I don’t want this to be a competition.”
- Offer safety. Say something like, “I am committed to making this work for both of us.”
- Point out the default future. Say, “I don’t like where this is going. I’m guessing you don’t either. Can we try a different tack?”
- Talk about rules. Say, “Can we take a timeout? Perhaps we could discuss some ground rules for this negotiation?”
- Change the pace. A fast-moving conversation reinforces feelings of panic or threat. Slow it down.
- Refocus on agreement. Say, “Can I pause for a moment and point out what we both agree on?” Then enumerate common interests, beliefs, or histories.
Adapted from "What to Do If a Conversation Is Turning Loud and Aggressive," by Joseph Grenny
