When you and a coworker are discussing a conflict you've been having, you might be tempted to launch into your account of the events, assuming that your counterpart should see things exactly the way you do. But that approach is unlikely to go over well. Instead, treat your opinion of what's happened as what it is: your perspective. Start sentences with "I," not "you." Say "I'm annoyed that this project is six months behind schedule," rather than "You've missed every deadline we've set." Even if you have valid criticisms of the other person, blaming or cornering them will shut down the conversation. And remember, you're almost certainly contributing to the dynamic as well. Acknowledging your role in the conflict will set a tone of accountability for both of you, making your counterpart more likely to own up to their missteps as well.
Adapted from the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict, by Amy Gallo
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