It’s important to give feedback to team members. But what should you do when an employee gets defensive? Leaders in these situations may want to take a break from giving performance-related feedback and try giving feedback based more closely on how the employee receives it. Here’s how to get started:
- Get curious. You can’t assume that the feedback-receiver sees her behavior in the same way that you do. Acknowledge that you’re expressing an opinion and ask to hear the other person’s, too.
- Use neutral language. Try to avoid words that carry negative connotations and place blame.
- Ask for feedback yourself. Be brave enough to ask, “How am I contributing to this problem?” and then model how to receive the feedback.
- Secure a commitment. Make a specific request for a behavior change, be open to counter-offers, and come to an agreement on the goal.
Adapted from "When Your Employee Doesn't Take Feedback" by Deborah Grayson Riegel
