It can be tough to get up the nerve to give a colleague — or your boss — constructive feedback, even if they’ve requested it. And if the person becomes defensive, it’s easy to shut down and tell yourself that offering your thoughts is a bad idea in general. But overgeneralizing from one experience is never a good idea and your reactive thoughts in that moment — “I’m never good at having honest conversations” or “No one wants to hear about things they could do better” —work against you. Your brain is essentially prioritizing your short-term psychological safety over the long-term benefit of having discussions that allow you and your colleague to learn. Don’t give into this negative thinking. Instead focus on the positive experiences you’ve had giving feedback. You might think, “Wow, that didn’t go well, but my general track record is still very good.”
Adapted from "Don't Let Your Brain's Defense Mechanisms Thwart Effective Feedback," by James R. Detert and Ethan R. Burris
